My therapy

 The following were written roughly around four to six years ago. Those were let's say, trying times for me. I've considered not sharing them because I have had some pretty horrible things said in regards to it. I've had my entire binder ripped up into shreds out of anger. I still carry that binder and I've literally picked up the pieces and moved on. All of these trigger a lot of emotion in me even though it's been years and I no longer feel the hate that I once did. This is real. This is raw. This is ME.


 

Blind
Eyes are open but do you see me?
Ears are open but do you hear me?
I'm speaking loudly
plain as day. 
No one stuttered. 
No break in words.
I'm yelling now.
It's like you're deaf.
My words are spinning around you're head.
Do you see them?
Suck them in.
Crying only releases emotion.
It doesn't guarantee a win.
Can't you feel it?
The ground is shaking.
Hate and pain 
it's no mistaking.
Hearts are clashing.
Hearts are breaking.
Words are said
and hearts they're aching.

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Why do you hurt me?
Why do you make me cry?
you always say I'm a liar.
I'm not lying.
You don't trust me
so I don't trust you.
It's like you hate being home.
Work is just an excuse.
You're rude.
You're mean.
You lie.
You're two-faced.
You're fake.
I wish I could make you cry.
You expect so much but give nothing.
Oh no, 
I'm lying again,


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(Un)Natural Disaster
My life is like a whirlwind
trying to live each day till the end.
The house is a mess. 
The kids are screaming.
You are working.
I wish I was dreaming.
Can't take a nap.
The boys are demanding.
I can't keep up.
This plane isn't landing.
Faster and faster
speed takes it's toll
If it doesn't slow down
I won't know where to go.
What do you do when you're spinning in circles?
All I need is a break.
But don't we all need to get away?
How much more of this mess can I take??


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Hate is an emotion I wish I didn't have. The pain that it brings is nothing but bad. The hurt it consists of will always be there. Nothing you do will ever compare nor change the wounds you inflicted the lives you conflicted. I'll never move pass that time in our lives when you took the life the air, the light in my eyes. I've tried to move on but it's not going to work. You run from it now because it causes too much hurt. 
How does one fix such angst in ones heart? How does one heal these lives torn apart? I wish I  could have just one moment to tell you that I do own it. I know what I did, I know how I acted. I know all of the attention that I have attracted. But one little heart all by itself will never mend this entire house. We must work together to try and move on let's not make this a journey that cannot go on.
The pain is there I don't know how to show it. Angers an action that speaks louder than words. Please listen to me speak as is comes out in herds. My voice is my power, my heart, and my soul. Please take what I give you, please don't let it go. But maybe that's it..I THINK that I know. Let's take as this, 
It's time to grow.


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 One Love

what do you do when you are feeling this way?
do you shut all the doors and just walk away?
do you leave them all open and give them some space?
or do you stand in the middle and hold your place?
i was once told eighty percent don't care what i say
and twenty percent won't ever go away.
the person i am will never change
but the way i react will be a whole new phase
the way i come across will start to amaze.
I'm not doing it for you
I'm doing it for me
because i know the effect that i can be.
i strive to be positive
i strive to be strong
i strive to keep it real
and it all comes out wrong.
I can't always please you
as you can't always please me.
but a time will come
that we will all see.
You are being you
and I am being me.
So let's change for ourselves
because we can only get better
and in the end
we will walk out together.

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Judge Not
With as much time that is left in this day
you never know what might be taken away
may it mean nothing to you
or affect your whole life
just stop for a moment and cut out your slice
the way you treat others
is how they'll treat you
maybe not directly
but somebody new
what you say today
will carry on tomorrow
so make it a point
to speak with your heart
and connect with your soul
cause you don't know the day
you'll have to let go
from the moment that you walk into a room
make everyone aware that a flower has bloomed
a story has arrived
a story is shared
a life has been touched
a thought has been aired
the smiles you bring can always change to sorrow
but tears aren't always considered to be sad
to bring tears of joy is a hard thing to do
and if you achieve that
than you know you
are truly being
you.





 Love is a drug
 self inflicted
self induced
keep it coming
can't break loose
stronger than love
worse than hate
stomach twisted
tied in knots
feels like a million rocks
piled high
suffocating
minds a blur
feelings fading
don't blink now
you're going under
reaching up
towards the light
all of a sudden
losing sight
back down to the bottom
you will go
which way out
you may never know.

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Friendship
I will inflict emotion on you
you never thought you had
I'll take you so far
you may never get back
back to the way you used to be
back to the day before you met me
I'll take you on a journey
so deep in my heart
just hold on my hand
and we will never part
look in my eyes
and you will realize
the real me
the person I'm supposed to be
not everyone is graced
with such a gift
as the power
of you and I
and the lives
we uplift
hold on tight
as we venture through this
it's a path down a road
that most don't know exist
but we know it's there
It's all for our taking
leave them behind
It's not worth the faking
the reality of it all
is that it's there
and we see it
it's not for the weak
it's not for the blind
that is why it's meant
for you
and 
I.
 
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These are ones that I'm sure most of you have already read. Some of these may be new to you. Heck, maybe you've never read them until now. In any case, I hope that they touch your heart like they do mine. When all else fails write. No matter what anyone says, writing is therapy and it's one hell of an outlet.
xoxo