Time doesn't heal this wound

It will be six years this July.
The day I lost my rock. The only parent I ever knew. My mother.
I remember it like it just happened. Word for word. Moment for moment.
Time stood still that day.
I was forever changed.
July 27, 2006 at 2:36 pm.
I was driving to pick up my work cell phone that I had accidentally left at home.
Mind you, I was already half way through my work day at that point but I still felt like it was neccessary to leave and go get it.
Perhaps that's the way the world works. Leading in a certain direction because it knows that you are meant to be somewhere at that certain time.
I pulled into the driveway and took one step in the house and  grabbed the phone off of the kitchen counter. With my other foot still standing in the garage, I noticed a missed call. I didn't even look to see if there was a message I just hit send send. My brother Neil answered the phone and said "Mom.....Moms dead."
Those words will forever ring in my head.
My house at that time just so happened to be right across the highway from my Mom's.
See why I believe that you are where you are at that very moment in time because you are supposed to be? Everything, in my mind, happens for a reason.
I never made it completely in my house before I was turned right back around and headed toward her house. Still on the phone with my brother as I drove a drive that takes about 3 minutes but some how it turned into an eternity. I ran toward the house but I was stopped at the front porch by my brother and his girlfriend. He begged me not to go in the house but I didn't listen. I opened the front door and went straight to her room. She wasn't there. Where was she? The next place I looked was the bathroom. There she was, peaceful and content slouched over in the bathtub. Her heart had stopped. Her body finally succumbed to her illness. That is the last time I saw my mom. I sat on the other side of the wall and cried, I banged on the wall and I cried. I screamed at her because I was so angry. I wanted to know why. Why did she leave me? Why did she go now? It wasn't her time. I wasn't ready for her to be gone. I sat there on the other side of that wall until the coroner showed up to take her away. Even then I didn't want to belive that it had happened. I remember feeling myself breathing. As if I was having some sort of outer body experience or something. I felt that way for hours.
The next couple of days were a blur to me. Phone call after phone call having to explain to family and friends what had happened.  There were people who didn't call and I later learned that they didn't know what to say. That hurt. I understand it now, but at the time I felt like I was the only person in the world who had lost a parent and no one could feel the same hurt that I was feeling. The support of my family and friends is what got me through it. I did a lot of writing and a lot "preaching" to people. I didn't want to waste another minute taking life for granted. I wanted everyone to know that when the inevitable happened of them losing a parent that they had the support in me. To know that they aren't alone.
Now I only see my Mom in my dreams. I can no longer hear her voice or see her smile unless I'm sleeping. Those are the dreams I don't want to wake up from. But when I do, the spirit of my Mother is even stronger. She is always with me. She always will be.
Everything I do I  do with purpose.
Life is too short.
We will be gone before we know it.
Take advantage of today because you never know what tomorrow will hold.
xoxo